Thursday, 09 April 2009

• Ten Things You Need to Know When You Rent Movies

  I work in a video store. I don't really mind it. I see a lot of pretty cool movies before they come out and it is easy, but keeps me busy at the same time. The only problem I have with working there is a lot of the customers. To me, it seems like they try to find ways to irritate me, but I am forced to stay calm and pleasant... I enjoy staying calm and pleasant, but sometimes, I just want to say, "Dude...seriously?..." This is going to sound like a disgruntled post, really, it isn't. I just tend to get really sarcastic... Anyway, it is better that I do this on Xanga, rather than in the faces of the customers.

  Ten Things You Need to Know When You Rent Movies:

  1. DON'T ASK ME ABOUT MOVIES THAT ARE IN THE THEATER - Chances are, I haven't seen them and I know nothing about them. And if you are wondering when a specific movie is going to come out on DVD, wait about 2 or 3 months after it's been out of the theater and then ask me... Just because I work in a video rental store, it doesn't mean I know everything about movies... so please, don't ask about the theater. I just don't know.

  
  (Don't ask me when this movie comes out...)

  (editor's note: check videoeta.com for DVD release dates!)
  

  2. DON'T CALL AND ASK ME FOR THE THEATER'S PHONE NUMBER OR THE PHONE NUMBER OF A COMPETITOR STORE - This one makes me laugh. Why would I know the number to either of these? I don't work there. And asking for the number of our competitor is... just... well... it's rude. If you worked at McDonalds, I wouldn't call your restaraunt and ask for Burger King's number. Be lucky that I actually have worked at the local theater before, so I happen to know the phone number! 

  
  (Don't ask me for this store's phone number)

  3. DON'T CALL EVERY 15 MINUTES ASKING IF RESIDENTIAL EVIL 5 HAS BEEN RETURNED - Do you understand that this is where I work? I can't be answering the phone every 15 minutes when I have a line full of customers and more customers that need my help with finding movies. Anyway, it is called Resident Evil 5, not "Residential" Evil 5. If you want to play number 5, chances are, you've played the first four... you should know the title by now!

  
  (Resident[ial] Evil 5)

  4. DON'T YELL AT ME FOR YOUR LATE FEES - Honestly, I wasn't the one who turned the movies in late in the first place. I tell you when they are due back. If you can't get them in, you can't blame me. It is just our policy that you have a late charge.

  
  (umm... he is running late)

  5. KNOW THE NAME OF THE MOVIE YOU ARE LOOKING FOR WHEN YOU COME INTO THE STORE - Just because I work at a video store doesn't mean I know what movie you are talking about when you say, "That movie that came out last year with Samuel L. Jackson." Seriously? Samuel L. Jackson puts out at least four movies in a year. The man is in everything! I can't always help you if you don't know what you are looking for. We are in an age of information. Search for it online before you go in and try to rent it.

  
  (There are mother effin snakes on this mother effin plane!)

  6. IF YOU RENT AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK, IT IS IN YOUR BEST INTEREST TO LISTEN TO OUR RECENT DEALS IF YOU WANT TO SAVE MONEY! - This goes without saying. If we have a way for you to save money with no strings attached, why fight it?

  
  (You too, could make it rain... if you get powerplay)

  7. PUT YOUR MOVIES IN THE DROP BOX UPON RETURNING - If you come into the store and set your movies on the counter, and I don't see it, it is your fault, not mine, if someone steals it. I am just saying this to prevent an accident before it happens.

  
  (Put the movies in here... don't lay them on the counter)

  8. IF YOU RENT THREE MOVIES AND NONE OF THEM WORK IN YOUR DVD PLAYER, IT IS YOUR DVD PLAYER THAT IS THE PROBLEM, NOT OUR DVDS - This happens all the time. I get yelled at because the DVDs someone has rented don't play in their DVD player. If none of them work, how can it possibly be the DVDs, especially when no one has complained before?
  

  Are the discs scratched? No? Are they dirty? No? Okay... sounds fine to me... But to be safe, let me put it in our company's really cheap, $10 DVD player that has been playing DVDs for at least five years 24/7/365.
  

  It works?! My guess is that it is probably your DVD player. You should probably clean it or get it checked out.

  
  (If this is what your DVD player looks like, then our movies aren't the problem)

  9. DON'T TALK ON YOUR PHONE WHEN YOU APPROACH THE COUNTER TO CHECK OUT YOUR MOVIES - Come on now... that's just rude. And if you are on your phone, and I ask you the typical questions, "Did you find everything?", "Is this it for you?", "Do you want these for one night or five nights?", "Would you like Playguard on your movies?", don't put up your pointer finger and mouth, "hang on." If you weren't ready to check out, don't come up to the counter. I probably have a lot to do...

  
  (There wouldn't be a long line if the person at the checkout counter wasn't on the phone...)

  10. IF YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR ID, DON'T GET MAD AT ME IF I DON'T LET YOU RENT - When you come in to rent, you should have your membership card; if not, at least have your ID. I have to know you are who you say you are. You might get mad at me right now, but you would actually have a reason to be mad when I let someone who isn't you rent on your account, and then I have to explain to you why YOU have to pay a $56 late fee. Then, all of the sudden, you want me to check your ID to make sure you are who you say you are...funny how that works, isn't it?

  
  (I know I should know who you are, Mr. President, but I need to see a REAL ID Card)

  Presented is the movie rental store etiquette. It is as simple as 10 easy rules. Please keep these in mind the next time you rent movies!

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